Today has been hard. Perhaps what I'm about to share is too honest for the blog-world...yet I will share my little story...the purpose being that it shows God's grace and providence all over in the events of this day! And, that brings true encouragement to my heart in the midst of frustration! So, in all reality...today asked the question--
Do I really believe that God is fully in control, my provider and support...and is faithful to make me into the image of Christ? What I wrote on yesterday's post...Will I believe and take heart in Christ, in the midst of my own frustrations and limitations? And smile at the future?
So here it goes my little story:
I took my room-mate, Chandler to the airport at 3:45am (after going to bed at 1am!) she was headed home to Delware for Thanksgiving. this is a picture of Chandler---isn't she cute!? I'm blessed that God has placed her in my life! This pic is her loving me, by doing some dishes...
After the airport trip, I feel straight back to bed till my boss called me at 7:45am, saying she was running a little late and would meet me in 15 minutes! (for those who don't know, my second job is cleaning houses for a lady who owns her own cleaning company.) Needless to say, I ran out the door in a huge hurry and made it! We cleaned a million dollar home for about 3 hours...
Then I headed to the bank to deposit some long over due paychecks (3 to be exact). This is where it gets interesting...the reciept the teller gave me said my current balance was -$68 dollars!!! I freaked out and of course there was tears...went back inside to the teller to get some clarifications about the matter! She said I was over-drafting my bank account since November 12th! A whole 10 days I have gone without even knowing that I was in the hole! I got no notifications from the bank and was left with fat charges over $400 dollars worth! Now its freak out time! The tears began to roll and wouldn't stop...the lady said they could waive 50% of the charges (total gracious of God) and then i closed my savings account by adding the amount in my checking!! As you can tell, this was A COMPLETE SHOCK to me!
I immediatly felt frustration to anger to shame and then to self-pity!
This resulted in talking to my dad and he is gracious to help me in this trickyness once more (confession: this isn't the first time i've over-drawn, but to my credit it's been over a year, since my last time...I am a slow learner!) He said he would pay next months rent for me, so I won't be in trouble with other finances that come up! Praise the Lord for loving, supported parents!
Thanks Dad and Mom, for always being a picture of grace to me--pointing me to our Great God who has lavished us in mercy and grace through His Son!
Learned THREE things:1. I tend to put my trust in how much I have in my bank account and not in God, who ultimately is my Provider.
2. I must trust the Lord's providence, even in the details of life! I had some immediate questions of how I was going to make ends meet. The Lord is the answer, He used my parents to provide some immediate help, my savings account (though only 100 dollars, that's better than nothing), even down to the sillyst thought i had, "i need to buy another noise stud b/c my fake dimand fail out of it, how am going to do that?" Well, later in the day I found another nose stud on my bathroom floor! I know that sounds silly, but that's something I asked the Lord to take care of. There are other questions that come to mind. What about Christmas gifts, getting my hair-cut, other thoughts...if God can take care of providing a little nose stud for me and next months rent, then how could He not provide grace for what He sees fit in the future?
3. Practically speaking, I've got to cultivate discipline in my finances and learn a way in keeping up with money. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm open! I desire to do so for the glory of God. I desire to be a good steward of what He has given me. I must continue on the pursuit of cultivating more Biblical disciplines in my life! May His grace enable me to do so! I do feel motivated and ever more knowing, how dependent I must be on His grace!
but ultimately...the heart questions is:
Who do I trust? Is my hope in myself, or in God?Thankfully, we are all a work in progress...He is preparing us for glory. Why am i surprised when I see myself fail? My problem is that I don't really understand the grace He has given me in Christ. Therefore, this may skew how I can give grace to others. If you are like me, be encouraged...Christ kept a perfect checkbook and never bounced a check! He came for sinners alike, that His life might count for ours! THIS IS MY HOPE! Praise God, for not giving up on me, but for using this to draw me to Himself and see my need for a Savior!
(a special thanks goes out to Jenn and Nick for encouraging me today by edifying me through my tears of frustration and pointing me back to Christ! And, for Patti Withers for encouraging me with words of truth too! And, for my family who sees all my faults and still loves me! Thank God for the Body...He is gracious to take care of us through the edification of Believers!)
At Prayer tonight, we read
Psalm 13...it describes David's depression and how He turns to the Living God for releif! May this be my response, all the days of my life (no matter what tomorrow holds, for we know "He had dealt bountifully with me", by Redeeming me through His Son):
1 "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me."
